Testimonies of Past
After repeating a sinner's prayer when I
was four years old, I assured myself that I'd
now had, in the spiritual sense at least, a ticket to heaven
and that God was obliged to let me in. During the next twelve years, I
lived in a Christian home, was homeschooled with Biblically-based
curriculum, was in church every Sunday and at youth group every
Wednesday. I attended Vacation Bible School , spent years in Awanas,
and went on mission trips. I spent five years working with the
technical team for the Youth Group. I estimated that I listened to
about six hundred sermons and during all this time I was filled with
hypocrisy and extreme guilt. I never understood why I failed
continually in the spiritual realm, why I had no desire to read the
Bible, and why I prayed only when I wanted something from God.
Looking back now, I see that God was calling me to salvation, even
though I had no idea of God's calling at the time. I remember
specifically getting a Chronicles of Narnia tract after a
Creationist/Evolutionist debate. There were also audio sermons with
clear gospel messages. My world was shaken after I'd attended a
worldview weekend, at this time, I was still seeking to be a
filmmaker. I listened to a message from Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron,
I began to listen to Way of the Master Radio, and I went through the
Basic Training Course. Realize that as this was all happening I still
was just pretending, a nominal Christian or a Christian by name only.
After a month or two witnessing and evangelizing, I'd been asked to
work at Child Evangelism Fellowship for the summer. I went to a one
week training, during which I was absolutely unable to teach a simple
Bible lesson for children. Broken inside about this, I sought
counseling from the director, he gave me some Bible verses to read.
After having read them, I broke down
and wept for an hour. I wrestled with God, there was so much I wanted
to keep for myself, but men must surrender all to God. It was not a
pleasant experience, but a life-changing experience. At the end of the
hour, I simply cried out to God to save me and He did. Peace pervaded
my soul. The guilt was gone, I had hope, for the first time of my
life, Christ became my Savior.
It has now been three years since my salvation and God is continually
calling me to give up more of my life and worries to Him. Before my
conversion and during the time I evangelized, I was the shyest person
on the face of the planet, I didn't talk about God, I didn't talk
about much anything. God is using me for a specific purpose in
the world, I still don't exactly what the end result is, but my
purpose is to give up my life for Jesus Christ. Never, never, never
assume that because you adhere to the Christian doctrines and ideas
doesn't mean you're going to Heaven. The question you must ask
yourself is this ...
What if I'm pretending?